my dismissal is being replace by writtings

so its been really AHWILE i have gone without writting any stuff here...

Grandma was admitted to the hospital .Its coming to 2 months she had been given dripping and today the doctor allowed us to feed her porridge..Thank God!

I dont know.Her sudden abscent in my life.Yes,since she collapsed (after doctor confirmed it was a heart attack) on the 22nd of Dec,i felt i had myself missing in everywhere i go,in everything i do,in each of the words spoken out. I shall not say she had the great impact or she is the impact of my life tho while i am writting this i am still a bit confuse on this issue. But for what had happen that day,i felt myself had distance myself. I had come to the point i would not rather to listen or how to manage a life. I am not prepared for the worse.Let alone swollowing all these heart aching situation. She lay down on the bed,lifeless. Just imagine,neither stench or the odour inhaling through your nasal hollow, you could feel ICU is no joke to accomodate six patience all with support by less than five machine. Non stop ticking and beeping sound echoes in your ear. Would you be in my shoes?

I am not the person who had witness death before.I wish this wouldnt happen.You can call me being unrealistic but i just cant cope with it.

But today, she smile and hold my hands. My grandma,i wish i could had write her earlier but my mind has just block to write anything.

She who had raised me up.Fed me well.School me and pampered me like a golden child. I had tasted the silver spoon on my mouth while i was growing up because of her.

'Grandma, promise me.You will stay strong to live till the day i am capable to bring you and stay with me and my family.I will feed you well.Pour you with love and warmth.Care you in my home.I couldnt lose you now' Amen