I am trying to understand life

Okay, i am still awake.,Not yet sleep.Just done with cooking and freezing the pumpkin juice.

Bonn is outstation in Kuching and be coming back late night tomorro. Huhu. Hope to get to spend time with him before i leave for Manila. :(

I havent written anything about the end of last year, that i have to cancel family trips to Kl and my supposedly trip to Manila on december for Christmas is also cancel. But it was a prompt decision and sudden collapsed of Grandma caused by heart attack.

But maybe everything happens for a reason. Uncles and auties really show their REAL FACE of 'genuinely' caring for grandma.I bother it less! It be wasting my time gossping them here.

Well, at here, right now, i would like to write something i would really want to share.

The question : How much it takes to love a person?

It buzz me when i could see how much i had fall for him.But then again, i know somehow it just dont worth it for what it takes and how far has this gone.

Or could anyone go through a phase in life living without the person you need the most? Or sacrificing your own happiness or life materials?

I see some people had risks so many things to just catch that glimpse of happiness? Is is worth it? Or was it just another wrong move made by silly human nature.

I wonder how much it takes if you could love him but he never loves you? Isint it hard aching? Because i am feeling it.When the other day i asked him, if there is anyone in his mind at this moment? It was a question asked by Denoor who asked me to ask him. The answer suppose to be his Fish! He looked at my face and say, yes he was still thinking of someone.. My heart sank. I could feel it sank. Sank deep down under the sea than the anchor could reach. I paused and his eyes still starring at mine, he continued saying, it was her ex girfriend. They broke off and yet he say he hated her and couldnt understand why she had caused that misery scar in his heart.

Right now, if i could walk away. And search something besides love to be loved and love. I would!

And day by day i could feel my heart is senseless impaired by these reasons.

It was easy.Its because i had fallen for him. A truth myself couldnt bare with.

But dont worry, i guess i wouldnt be stupid enough to die for it. [ Sarcasm =) ]

A piece of note to someone i know,

If you trully love him and yes he loves you,

dont even wait for a second to tell him how much you love
him.

To know how much he loves you is simple,

he wouldnt dare leaving you alone to search for that somebody in
life.

Sacrificing is not being heroic under diffrent circumstances,

its guided by truth and facts that you react upon to.

To him,

the mischievious person who had ruined two person's life ,

And being silent loving the person and not holding her back is coward.

You dont deserve to be called a Man.You are a jerk for not proving your standings.

I dont get it what you are trying to prove.

And if you dare saying i am interfering your LOVE LIFE? well, you are welcome to come forward and say it infront of my face.

I dont INTERFERE because i like busybody, but i cant stand back looking my friend who you called 'sayang' ,deprieved like a widow and mourning for love. I couldnt look at her face hollow without her smile. I dont know, but it seems like you have fun MAKING LOVE around.

And yes, i wish you read this and letting your brain knows how much i am pissed with your so being MATURED character.

Being sarcasm as yourself with words doesnt make you hip, right now when i look back, i just realized you had poke fun of urself with your bestfriend. You are non heroic but a destroyer.

Who could i blame? Who am i to blame. Three of you are my friend.And one of you or two of you had let go this case but i am not going to be silent and act DONT KNOW like a dumb ass. WHAT A JOKE.

If you think right now, you had kept your mouth and handphone silence, and see things are safe and sound, you are so wrong. I am gonna tell you that, five years from now, you will end up marrying the misery of your life.

There is no point whispering to friends what is the situation now and telling people i am so into your stories.No, and HELL NO.

When you have time, you could come and see her.Look into her eyes.Her baggy eyes. Those lips and faces that you look when you promise her that you love her has turn sour.

Gees, people be wondering why could i get so emotional writting on you.You want to know? Because in business wise i never met such a DUMB FUCKING ASSHOLE like you.Turning people's life upside down.And you screwed every holes in their life. Are you satisfied? Do you see thats a statement on your wide forehead?

I dont know. But when i look at you and your crappy friend's face, it remind me how stupid both of you when you two throw up a joke.Its no more funny cause you had spill the milk.

By the way, the lady who LOVES you like HELL and WHOM you talk bad always is my FRIEND and babe. Who you had enjoyed the same bed and hugs and kissed is a friend i cherish for her sweet sense. But yes, again YOU DESTROY everything.

We could be friends like normal but its no more the same.

So before you commit yourself in a new relationship, be true to yourself and not looking for a HOLE to hide and get reasons. She was a bait to run away from the other one. And you came to this lovely and sweep her away.While you mend your 'plastic' heart you found the PERFECT one. WHAT A FAKE.. ..

The solution was easy, you should have be honest and not hide those truth. And actually never date the same circles of friends.But you were dumb as i could see that.

This writes up will come to an end when i say,

to the three love birds

• I am not anyone to judge, but i couldnt stand looking at Ur face ,is now like a DUMB PORN ASS.Get that retarded out of your brain.There is so many guys out there!

• Stupidly, you still loves him and flirt with him? what a pity. that 7inch doesnt work if there isnt much skills and his balls is full with gas rather than sperms.. oh yea, he talk bad about you. LOL.you still love him for that?

• You better get your brain fix. By the way, i am not going to look at you as like before. You are a jerk.

Amin!!!